Angela Scott
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You're a "REAL" writer if . . .

6/21/2011

23 Comments

 
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Want to know if you're a "REAL" writer? Then take the following quiz. Keep track of your scores for verification at the end of the test. Because having a great idea coupled with the desire to write is simply not enough. Being a "REAL" writer is so much more.

You're a "REAL" writer if . . .

1) You write at an antique desk, preferably owned by some literary giant of the past like Poe, or Plath, or Thoreau. +1 point for antique desk +10 points if owned by someone famous.

2) You write with a real quill pen and ink pot. +100 points (super cool).

3) You've been published by ALL six of the major publishing houses. +1 point. (You'd think that would be worth more, but if you've been published by all of the big six, then I hate you. This is my quiz and I can score it how I please).

4) You've written a literary piece of work. Not genre, memoir, or nonfiction. +2 points.

5) You never revise your first draft because it is pure genius as is. +5 points.

6) You write poetry and lots of it. Poetry that rhymes doesn't count.  +3 points.

7) You've been to at least 396 writer conventions in various states and foreign countries. +1 point.

8) You have a study (do not confuse this with a "den" or "office"--doesn't count). +1 point

9) You have at least three 7 foot bookshelves filled with all kinds of books + 1 point for each bookshelf.

10) You wouldn't be caught dead owning Stephen Kings On Writing, or Bird by Bird by Anne Lamont or any other kind of book for writers. "REAL" writers do not need them. +5 points

11) You don't subscribe to Writer's Digest or The Writer. Again "REAL" writers do not need them. +1 point

12) You are depressed and suicidal or you're heavily into drugs and alcohol. + 1 point (I can't give more than one point for that. That's so sad).

13) Your work has been featured on several radio shows and in all the magazines even Golf Digest and Road Rally. +15 points

14) You were on Oprah (before she quit--those of us who weren't will NEVER be REAL writers. That SOO sucks for us). Oh, and your memoir better be truthful or you need to subtract a thousand points. +600 points

15) You make a ton of money writing. Every piece you've written sells for big money. You were able to quit your day job. +200 points

16) You think all of the above is a bunch of poo, and you love to write, regardless if you ever get published. You HAVE to write because it's who you are. It's a part of you, just like breathing and sleeping. You can't imagine not writing. You're like a junkie, but with words. Your laptop is your best friend. And you write because you LOVE it--you absolutely love it! There's nothing else you'd rather do. Then give yourself  +1,000,000 points.

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Now tally your scores:

Anything less than 1,000,000 points, you need to rethink your whole take on this writing thing. That's all I'm gonna say. Though I want to say more. But I won't. You get the picture. 

Anything above 1,000,000 points--you ARE a REAL writer. Own it, baby. Just own it. People will tell you you're not a real writer because you didn't get that 3 book deal or you didn't become a New York Times Best Seller or you self-published so it doesn't count or you skipped using an agent or you received 20 rejections from agents or whatever funky, crazy reason people come up with today to dismiss writers and make writers feel like crap for doing what they love.

Out of curiosity, does anyone know whether artists (painters or photographers) or musicians ever feel this same way? Are they told they're not real? I guess in my mind, if someone told me they were a musician, I would simply be impressed. I wouldn't ask what venue they played in or even what instrument they played, "Oh, the drums? That's too bad. Only REAL musicians play guitar." Do musicians do that to other musicians? Do artists? Just curious.

As writers, we tend to do that. Maybe we don't admit it, but we do. Certain genres are looked down upon. Self-published authors are treated unfair. If someone published one book, we wonder if it was a fluke and if they're capable of publishing another. Why are we such snobs? Why do we do this? Is it jealously? 

So I say, let's knock it off. If you write and you love doing it, then SWEET! Super awesome! I'm impressed. You are a REAL writer in my book. There's no membership required. Nothing to fill out. Even though some people will make you feel as though there is a special "club" of which you'll never fit in. But has anyone seen this "so-called-club"? I didn't think so. I shake my head and tsk tsk at those crazy coots who get their kicks by making writers feel sooo small by creating new "rules" to keep themselves looking good, and to keep us feeling as though we'll never be good enough.

I write. It's what I do. I feel real.Ouch. I just pinched myself to make sure. So if I'm real and I write, then that should make me a REAL WRITER, right? You're darn tooting that's right!

Are you real? Do you write? Then there you go. You're a real writer, just like me.

Seriously, if anyone knows about the whole musician, singer, artist thing, I'd love to know--either way. I'm super curious.

23 Comments
Andrea Hunter link
6/21/2011 03:32:12 pm

Hi Angela.
Here, here! I have been a professional writer my entire adult life and, even though I am not being paid for it right now, I am still a REAL writer. I write, therefore, I am a writer. Period! Thanks for this clarification.

By the way, my husband is a musician and my mother was a musician. No ne ever discriminated based on what instrument they played or in whose compamy they played. They play instruments, they are musicians. My father was an artist and no one ever questioned him either. So, there you go. Point made. :)

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Deborah Walker
6/21/2011 07:56:00 pm

Do people look down on certain genres? I've heard it said, but its never happened to me.(I write scifi, fantasy, horror). Perhaps I'm in denial.

Same with indie publishing. I've heard that some people have problems with it, but nobody's said anything to me.

Hold on, yes I do remember some fuss about low pay level about a year ago. I was actually been published in the journal 'everyone' was talking about. Didn't get involved.

Yep, that's denial all right. Just keeping on doing what feels good to me.

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Amelia James link
6/21/2011 09:31:51 pm

I write erotic romance and I'm self-published. I'm so far down no one can see me. ;) I've been a real writer since the third grade. Nothing makes me happier. Thanks!

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Juliana Brandt link
6/22/2011 12:29:43 am

I bet musicians get the same questions that writers do, "Oh, do you have a CD out? What lable are you under?" It seems that people think to be 'legit' you have to be published or have to have a contract, when that's definitely not the case! Thanks for that reminder, Angela :)

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Gina Blechman link
6/22/2011 01:30:25 am

Haha. Nice. I'll never forget this time I was talking with one of my closest friends and writing buddies and I said, "Why can't people just see that I want to be a writer." And she said, "Gina, you already are a writer." "well then, that I'd like to actually attempt to make some sort of living from it." And she said, "Well, it seems writing's kept you alive pretty well so far." It's so true.

And as a musician who plays professionally and (sadly?) still makes more with that than writing, people don't usually judge you as long as you can prove to them that you can play. They still consider you a musician and an artist. They just either secretly think you'll never make it or constantly say "God, you could totally have a cd out" every two seconds until you want to be like "IF I COULD, I WOULD ALREADY. BUT THAT ISN'T WHAT VALIDATES ME AS A MUSICIAN!" (Kind of like when push and push about how you're doing when you're getting published and you just want to punch them, because, if you had made any advancements, the whole world would sure as hell know it, but that's not why you write."

<end rant.>

<3 Gina Blechman

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Yves Brown McClain link
6/22/2011 02:15:39 am

That was great! Thanks for the encouragement :-)

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Lyn Midnight link
6/22/2011 06:15:25 am

Oh man, I even scored on some of those! lol (Not the Oprah one though.) And I've never written anything 'literary' enough. there, I said it. Why is it such a big deal? I mean, it's not really, but sometimes I feel left out. :P Oh well, thanks Angela. Jeez, how do you have the time to blog like this. :P

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Marc link
6/22/2011 06:25:13 am

Another very cool and sarcastic post, like it a lot, :-D

Though, I have to address one line here. "You're like a junkie, but with words." This is not the case for me. The way I see it, a junkie ingests their drug of choice. I gobble up things I see in the world, just binging on inspiration, and then purging ideas onto the page! So I'm more like a verbal bulimic! ;-)

You're right, writers are writers because they write, not because they have published works. However, like any kind of work, sometimes we want to be validated. Getting published is a major way for a person to feel that their work is good enough for mass consumption. Problem is, when some people get published, they get big heads about things and think they're just cool beans, nay, beans that are too cool for school!

What those people fail to realize is, they're still writers. They were writers before they were published and even though they're published, they still are. Only thing that's changed is that a company has decided to endorse them and make money off their work.

They do the same thing every other writer does. Conceptualize, outline, and above all, create. :-)

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RG Hart link
6/22/2011 09:10:20 am

Nice post, very whimsical. One small correction there are far more than six publishers in NY. There are hundreds. The six number is derived from the six international corporations who own the hundreds of publishers in NY. A minor thing but this number has been floating out there and is a myth.

I certainly have scored more than a million by your scale, because am indie and traditional publishing so I certainly consider myself a writer.

I love the idea of the million points because it speaks about perseverance and that is critical in any of the arts.

My wife is an artist and a writer, and my son is an actor. My wife has never sold a painting (yet) but she certainly considers herself an artist. My son has been in plays and is currently in production on a indie film. He is certainly an actor.

I think it's important to measure your growth as a writer, or any artist, and tell people you are a writer even if you haven't sold anything (yet), or haven't indie published, because the most important thing is to believe you are a writer. Plenty of people will try to tear down your dreams, so have confidence in yourself.

One thing I know for certain is these are exciting times to be a writer.

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Nancy Lauzon link
6/22/2011 12:53:59 pm

Hi Angela,

My internet has been down since Sunday night. Arggghh. Great post, I really enjoyed it. I like the way you score.

Nancy
http://nancylauzon.blogspot.com
The Chick Dick Blog

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Brooke R. Busse link
6/23/2011 12:28:53 pm

I scored 1,000,006! Go poetry, bookshelves, and not subscribing to magazines because I'm broke. XD

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Elisa link
6/23/2011 01:04:56 pm

Thank God for us "real writers" LOL! LOVE it :0)

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Jami Gold link
6/23/2011 01:57:24 pm

Brilliant! Love this. :)

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Cindy link
6/24/2011 05:11:32 am

This is amazing. I loved this quiz...very clever and fun. XD

I do have an antique desk...but I never write at it. It's an old roll top and I doubt I could figure out how to get my computer to fit in it. XD And somehow, it takes away the charm, doesn't it?

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Jason McKinney link
6/24/2011 07:02:10 am

Does having a usual table at Books-A-Million count as an antique desk? No? I didn't think so.
I like being a "real" writer. I wake up excited about what I'm going to do every morning. Most around me find that attitude puzzling or disturbing. *Cough* Extended Family *Cough*
Unfortunately, it took a good review concerning my werewolf novel to have the rest of my family comment that I'm now a "real" writer. Geez. You'd think those people would've paid attention to what I was saying in the first place.
Thanks for putting this up, Angela. It's getting forwarded to a lot of people I know. :-)

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Beth link
6/28/2011 12:23:14 am

wow that Louise May Alcott book is the coolest! I love Alcott!
<a>bethfred.com</a>

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G. Aliceson
8/10/2011 01:24:18 am

Another great post. You show that writers are "writers" long before they are published. And ain't grand!

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That Horrible Chocolate link
8/10/2011 04:55:45 am

None of my work has ever been published. Although I write my thoughts & feelings through my blog and I don't believe you can get more REAL than that?

I did enjoy this post! I thought I was never going to get a point lol. Nice read :)

- That Horrible Chocolate.
Twitter: @emptyboxofchoco

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Rik Davnall link
8/13/2011 10:01:08 am

It definitely happens to musicians in a whole wealth of different ways. Classical musicians sneer at 'pop'/'rock' musicians, 'real' 'indie' musicians sneer at 'commercial' musicians, punk musicians sneer at prog musicians and vice versa. Whole lotta sneering. Well done you for taking a stand!

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Sherry White link
8/13/2011 11:48:50 pm

Thanks for the encouragement. Somedays, after writing , I ask myself, "I'm I wasting my time with this so called writing? But, one day later, I'm back at it. Practice makes us all better, no matter what art we choose to explore.

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Presley link
8/14/2011 07:11:11 am

Wow, I have to say when I first started reading this, I got really angry.
Silly me really.
I loved it once I saw that it wasn't an attack, but an attack on attackers!
Very, very nice!

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Rob @ Howtocookhero link
8/19/2011 06:17:06 am

I try not to worry about being classified as "real" either. Frankly, it's a hobby and I really enjoy it. I write on topics I care about and am more than happy any time I know someone has read my work.


I was getting frustrated during the first few points when I wasnt sure if you were messing around. Good turnaround, though.

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Shanyn link
8/30/2011 12:17:23 am

I scored 1,000,005 haha...the poetry helped! :-) Loved this post and you are so right in all you say.

Visual artists and musicians feel the same pressure - an artist? What gallery? Any patrons? Critiques or reviews? You play do you? Classical or in a band? Recorded or live performer? Can I get you in a magazine or on iTunes?

Artists face their harshest criticisms from those without the courage to pursue their own creative desires. Create! Create! Create!

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