Angela Scott
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Do you view other writers as friends or foes? (Conquering the green-eyed monster)

12/29/2011

22 Comments

 
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Ever notice how the green-eyed monster looks a little like a zombie?
If you're a writer and if you even have one writer as a friend, I'm certain, at one time or another, your eyes have turned green. (The first step to recovery is admitting it, so just nod and say yes).

And I'm not talking the pretty kind of green either. I'm talking the algae, swamp colored, snotty nose kind of green--nasty.

As human beings, envy and jealousy is part of our nature. Just like sadness and happiness. We are full of emotions. Just some aren't as nice as others and some can down-right cripple us. Envy and jealousy aren't good emotions unless it spurs us forward to do better, write better, and become better. But how often does that happen? Umm . . . how about never.

For the most part, envy and jealousy tightens our heart, pulls us inward, and we become bitter and depressed: Look how good he's doing. He's sold a kazillion books. People love him. He has an agent and a publishing contract. He's a best seller. Oprah is coming out of retirement to talk about his book! Dang it! He's getting everything I ever wanted . . . there's nothing left for me. I HATE him. I'm going to leave a bad review on his book. Yeah, that will show him. Take that, you dream-snatching jerk! You want me to retweet you last review? Ha,ha, ha--NO. But I will spread a rumor.

Anytime we see someone achieving more and receiving more, out pop the green eyes. It's not just writers; it's everyone. (I live just below some mega huge houses. Houses that average 5,000 square feet or more. Houses with swimming pools and indoor full-size racquetball/basketball courts. Yes, my eyes became green. So no, it's not just writers). But I do think that as writers it may be more prevalent because this is OUR dream. We've wanted this since we were little kids. To see someone else achieve the dream we've been so diligently struggling to achieve breaks our hearts just a little. 

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Think about it. We are in a day and age in which we can check each others blog followers, twitter followers, amazon reviews and book rankings. It's easy to become jealous (and obsessed).

So what do we do? How do we overcome and slay the green-eyed monster?

The first thing I suggest is wishing other writers well. Congratulate them. Yep, it will be hard. But not only will it help suppress the green-eyed monster, but you will feel better about the way you handled the situation. Use their success stories to spur you into creating a success story for yourself (it will be hard, but it can be done). Think about karma for a minute. If you believe, at all, that what goes around comes around, why then would you want to tear down another writer's achievements?

The second thing we need to remember is that  the only person we are hurting by being envious and jealous and petty is ourselves. Will the other person even know? Will it affect their future success even if they did? Nope. No matter how jealous you get or how angry you are, it won't change a thing. They will keep doing what their doing. So what's the point? There isn't one.

A third thing we need to remember is that this isn't a competition against other writers. It isn't. I can't look at it that way, because if I did, I would crawl up in a little ball and never write again. Because here is the cold hard facts: THERE WILL ALWAYS BE SOMEONE BETTER THAN YOU. That fact will never change. Even when you think you are the biggest fish in the pond, some bigger fish will swim by and swallow you whole. For me, the only person I will compete against is myself. What can I do better? How can I make my mark in the world? What will work for me?

Oh, it's going to be hard! The green-eyed monster doesn't like being controlled. But the best thing we can do is applaud other writers efforts, spread the love and joy, and when the time comes, hopefully that love and joy will be reciprocated.

Because no matter where you are on the ladder of writing success, there is someone on a rung higher than you--BUT there is always someone on a rung lower. So reach down and lift them up and keep climbing. Who knows? Maybe because of your kindness, someone ahead of you might reach down and offer their hand to you :)

How do you beat the green-eyed monster into submission? What works for you? What advice have I missed? Please leave a comment and let me know what you think.

22 Comments
John Abramowitz link
12/29/2011 02:33:16 am

I'd be lying if I said I don't have those feelings occasionally, but for the most part I genuinely don't look at it as a competition. I don't think most readers judge books on a curve -- that is, they don't grade us against other writers.

Sure, if you asked someone, that might say, "X person writes better than John Abramowitz," but if someone picks up a John Abramowitz book (which, please do, by the way, they're all available here http://onthebird.blogspot.com), I don't think that person is going to spend the whole reading experience comparing what I've written to what someone else has written.

So, if a reader likes YA books, I think they'll judge Weaver on whether it's a good YA book, even if I'm not as good a writer as Suzanne Collins.

Similarly, if a reader likes legal thrillers, I think they'll judge Atticus for the Undead on whether it's a good legal thriller, even if I'm not as good a writer as John Grisham.

Sure, I may wish I had as many blog followers as you or as many Twitter followers as Lindsay Buroker (an excellent steampunk author, by the way, you should all check her out), but I also haven't been at this as long as you guys have. If I do my job(s) right, maybe I will soon.

There's room in the storytelling world for John Abramowitz AND Angela Scott AND Lindsay Buroker AND Suzanne Collins AND John Grisham. Especially in this age of low-priced e-books. (Mine are 99 cents, folks!)

The only time I resent someone or begrudge them their success is when they show a clear and flagrant disregard for quality. I'm not just talking a book that isn't to my taste or isn't in my genre(s). I'm talking a book that's just BAD.

But as long as you're clearly trying to make good craft, then you're okay by me. We're all in this together.

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Lane Diamond link
12/29/2011 02:56:16 am

Re: "I'm talking a book that's just BAD."

Here, here, John. Authors must respect their readers, and selling garbage is just plain disrespectful.

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John Abramowitz link
12/29/2011 04:39:03 am

EXACTLY.

See here for my Indie Writer's Pledge of Quality: http://onthebird.blogspot.com/2011/11/whats-with-all-self-pub-hate.html

Rae link
12/29/2011 02:39:04 am

I find myself judging other writers' work and wondering if I'm being honest or if it's my jealousy that they've finished something and I haven't (see http://raesrantsraves.blogspot.com/2011/12/fear-of-finishing.html regarding my fear of finishing).
You make a great point about how the only people we are competing against are ourselves. Jealousy can only get in the way of our own writing. Perhaps it's because writing is such a solo endeavor that we feel so challenged by others' success. If we fail we have only ourselves to blame but naturally we'd rather not so we turn our fear outward and it becomes jealousy. Maybe I'm just rambling :-)
In any case, I feel bolstered by what you had to say and will try to be mindful of it. Every little bit of insight helps.

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Lane Diamond link
12/29/2011 02:53:54 am

I love this post, Angela. Life is much too short to harbor resentments and ill will. I look at it like this: The more writers succeed, the more readers clamour for books. Every writer who succeeds makes my job a little easier, not harder.

One of the greatest joys for me - a way to build up my personal good will - has been editing and mentoring aspiring authors who seek the very dreams I seek. It's a rewarding experience.

I think success, in any walk of life, is always sweeter when you can bring a few folks along for the ride.

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Debs link
12/29/2011 02:56:42 am

A timely post. When I was reading Dean Wesley Smith's blog today people were posting their word counts. Blimey, some people are incredibly productive, and I felt kinda jealous.

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John Abramowitz link
12/29/2011 05:29:00 am

Just remember that writing a LOT of words doesn't equal writing GOOD words.

Call me old-fashioned, but I happen to think the latter is more important.

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Brooke R. Busse link
12/29/2011 05:57:44 am

I'm always saying this! I would say it again, but you already did. :)

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Mari Stroud link
12/29/2011 10:04:25 am

I always remind myself that it's not a zero-sum game: it takes much longer to write a book than to read a book. Success for one of us, if it inspires a love of reading, is success for all of us.

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Kortnee link
12/29/2011 04:47:32 pm

Jealousy is incredibly dangerous. My best friend and I started this writing journey together. I've written about twice what she has, but she gets more book sales and blog views than I do. I had to take a step back and remind myself that I am in competition with myself to get better, not with her. We are running our own race. She does what she does, I do what I do, and we're both doing well.

I wouldn't trade the rest of my life for hers, so why do I want her stories and her success? I like reading my stuff so much better :-)

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Ileandra Young link
12/30/2011 02:56:58 am

Awesome post. And so true. I even have moments when a friend of mine, who wants nothing but to see me do well sends little trickles of rage down my back when she tells me she's written a short story, or plans to. I can just about squash those feelings pretty quick - I love her; I can't be jealous of her - but other writers...?

First of all they scared me; look how many books they have! Look at their followers! Their blog layout is amazing. All those positive reviews. All those sales. Its intimidation at its highest.

But then there are other folk who are in a similar boat to me; currently unpublished, approaching agents and the like and I still find it hard at times to wish them luck and congratulate them when I'm still bimbling along.

But the writing community is SO supportive that its getting easier to push those thoughts aside. I've approached three strangers in the last two weeks with questions about things very important to me. Not only did these people respond, but they did so immediately with very valuable and concise advice. I can't think of any other community where people are so ready to help and lend a hand and applaud you. And THAT is what helps to keep the jealousy at bay for me... so many of these people want others to succeed because success for one is success for all of us. We write books, we want the world to read books. In this age of 3D movies and video games every time someone picks up a book in print or on an ereader, we have ALL made a victory.

And that's kinda cool. ^_^

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Charlotte Rains Dixon link
12/30/2011 08:06:02 am

Love that you're writing about this topic, which is not usually mentioned probably because most of us don't want to admit to it. Yeah, I get jealous, and I also get a bit angry when what Ileandra mentioned happens--a non-writer decides they are going to write because its so easy. Right. But I start worrying--what if it is really easy for them and they get published right off the bat? Sigh. Hasn't happened yet. Anyway, best antidote is to go back to the page and write, as always.

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Michael Offutt link
12/30/2011 03:21:26 pm

Great post Angela.

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D. T. Gray link
12/31/2011 03:52:39 am

Honestly I would like to meet some more writers in my area and maybe bounce ideas off of them. I have been looking for a utopia on the internet where writers can present their work and have other authors critique and comment, so far I'm out of luck.

But I also agree that I get extremely envious of other writers when they succeed. I guess I just have to wait my turn and continue to change my attitude to a more positive, loving one instead of hatin on all the successful ones. Even if I just don't get their work...

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M. R. Tighe
1/2/2012 02:49:36 am

Not even bad writing upsets me as much as dishonest reviews that try to trick the reader into spending their hard-earned cash on something that isn't worth it!

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Jinx Schwartz link
1/2/2012 07:31:43 am

Okay, I admit it, I wanna be any of the following: Clive Cussler, John Grisham, Dan Brown, or Jinx Schwartz. Oh, wait, I AM Jinx Schwartz, I have seven books under my belt, and yes, the green-eyed monster does rise when I see books selling that are not (IMHO) well-written. However, we writers can benefit greatly from making friends WITH other authors, guest blogging FOR other authors (remember, their fans now get to know who you are), and cheering on our fellow authors. Jealousy is a waste of time; get over it and write another book. Make someone else jealous:-)

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Krysty link
1/4/2012 02:59:07 am

Angela, I really enjoyed reading your post. It took me a long time to break down the barriers and connect with other writers that are doing similar, but not identical work. I don't know what it was - but I guess I always pictured the writer as someone who works alone at their desk, rather than someone who connects and networks with other writers. I can say that reaching out and connecting as added layers to my writing that I didn't know were there. Sure, I still have feelings of jealousy when I see that someone has been published, but I also acknowledge all the hard work, perseverance, and prior rejection that occur behind the scenes of that published work.

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Aimee L. Salter link
1/8/2012 03:02:10 am

Hear, hear!

When I get jealous I try to remind myself if that was MY sale / review / triumph I'd want to celebrate. So I'll celebrate with my friends because it IS awesome when they win.

Who wants to get successful with no one around to enjoy it with? If I let myself get bitter and twisted I'm not only going to thwart my writing, but also push everyone around me away.

We writers need each other because we're the only ones who understand what it's like to live in this world that feels real but isn't.

On a practical level, I also remind myself that readers don't only read ONE author - so someone else selling their book doesn't stop me selling mine.

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Peter Johnstone link
1/21/2012 02:51:25 am

Admittedly this is a hobby for me, not a career change but, if i sell a book, i'am an author. If i sell enough to cover my costs i'm a successful author. It's all about me, not you. If you sell a million books i wish you well and would be happy for you to sell a million more - you're obviously skilled in what you do and have worked hard to market your product and deserve everything you get.

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Liz Crowe link
2/12/2012 03:04:08 am

Angela what a GREAT post and well-timed for me personally as an author sort of on my way up slowly, doing time, learning, getting some nice contracts etc. but still that...much...shy....of where I want to be.
thank you for sharing it. I put it on my twitter feed and Facebook profile.
Liz

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Steven Cowles link
1/4/2014 05:14:05 am

"THERE WILL ALWAYS BE SOMEONE BETTER THAN YOU" is now advice that is living on a yellow post-it note on my monitor. Thank you for that.

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Juan link
1/24/2014 04:10:06 am

Hello,I love reading through your blog, I wanted to leave a little comment to support you and wish you a good continuation. Wishing you the best of luck for all your blogging efforts.

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