*WARNING: SPOILER ALERTS*
I love October--when all the little boys and ghouls come out to play, when creepy scary things displayed in store windows are acceptable and the norm, and when you get a good tingle of fright that runs up your spine--good times.
October is about the only time of the year in which I like to break out the scary movies. For the most part, scary movies scare me and I can't stand them. Give me a good comedy or romance instead. Or better yet, a romantic comedy. I like to laugh and have a jolly good time when watching movies. I like walking away from a movie feeling as though life is worth living :) :) :)
But here it is, October, and I keep watching movies that scare the bejeebies out of me. Someone on twitter mentioned the movie THEM and so I had to check it out for myself. Oh my gosh! So scary. So intense. And just like the picture above, "Absolutely Terrifying."
One reason it was so terrifying: It's a French movie with English subtitles. I don't know why this made such a horrific impact, but it did. I had to read their words and the movie took on a whole new kind of ambiance of scary. The second thing that made this movie so frightening: Everything, I mean EVERYTHING, that you're not supposed to do in a movie--run into the wood, look through a peep hole, go to the basement, look out the window, check out the strange sound--this movie did. The two main characters would say (in French), "The lights are out. Let's go check the breaker system in the basement." "Okay, after you." (paraphrasing here). And I would be like, "You fools! Don't go to the basement! That's where the maniacs are! Light a candle, you idiots!"
Or they would do something dumb like, "Now that we are able to escape our house and leave the maniacs inside,let's run into the dark, thick forested woods. We're injured, but the trees will hide our movements and moans of agony." (again, paraphrasing) "Yes, the woods will keep us safe. After you."
Or, "I think I will put my eye to the keyhole and see if the maniac is gone." "Yeah, that's a great idea. Do it. Let me know how it goes."
NOOOO, you dumbies! This is how you lose an eyeball or worse yet, your brain--JAB! You are now a Kabob.
And everyone knows the woods are bad thing. Very bad. We learn this as kids--Little Red Riding Hood, Hansel and Gretel, etc, etc...
I will tell you, there comes a point in which I say, "You deserve to die. You are stupid. Really stupid. I hope the monster/maniac eats you."
Take for instance the movie THE FOG. Now, I must admit I never did finish this movie. There was one scene in which the girl, dressed in only her underclothes, decides to go outside and check out the fog and weird noises she is hearing. Even I know that monsters and maniac like to kill girls wearing only bras and panties. This is why I sleep in a t-shirt and ratty sweatpants--I'm living forever.
It was this point in the movie I started rooting for the crazy fog. And when the fog didn't kill her (as I'd hoped it would), I stopped watching.
I've also come to realize that there are TWO different kinds of horror movies: A) The horror movie that ends with hope and B) the horror movie in which it ends with everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, dying.
I like hope. I like survivors. (Sing with me, "I've got all my life to live, I've got all my love to give
And I, l will survive, I will survive....Hey, hey).
A few years back, my husband and I picked up a movie from the Red Box, came home, popped some popcorn, and settled in the watch a nice little comedy move. What we didn't know was that the movie we had planned to watch had accidentally been swapped out with THE HILLS HAVE EYES. We were part way into the movie when we both realized something was wrong, but we had invested too much time into the characters and wanted to see where this was headed to stop watching.
Oh, how I wish we'd stopped watching. This is one of those no hope movies, and BOY do I hate those kinds.
There was one point in the movie in which I still clung to some hope--the father was dragged into a cave by the mutants, but he was still alive. So during all the craziness happening to the rest of the family, I thought, he was going to come back and save them all.
Without giving it all away, let's just say that didn't happen. It was at this point I realized this is a horror B) kind of movie. I really, really hate those kinds. THE HILLS HAVE EYES was, for me, the most terrifying movie I had EVER witnessed. There was no way I would watch the second or third movie in that series. *shivers*
Even at the very end of this movie, when once again I clung to hope as I watched a few survivors start walking away in the distance, having survived and killed a lot of mutants, the camera pans back and you see someone watching them through binoculars. It wasn't over even though the movie started rolling the credits. Not fair. Not fair at all!
But I will say this, it has come to a point in which I must STOP following suggestions from people on twitter. Someone mentioned watching the movie THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE and so I thought, okay, let me check that out. Ummm...I didn't watch that. Do you know what they do in that movie? Some super weird stuff that's just wrong. So wrong. I didn't see it, but I read about it, and that was enough for me.
So I'm dialing back my scary movie watching for a while. I've taken up watching DANCING WITH THE STARS. That's as close to horror as I want to get right now. I need a break. (Go, RICKI LAKE!).
Here are a few tips about survival if ever you find yourself in a horror movie type situation:
1) Do not wear bra's and panties to bed.
2) Do not look through the keyhole or peep hole to check on the maniac stalking you. Just know he is out there. He is. Even if he is really quiet and you haven't heard him shuffle around in a long time, he is still there.
3) The woods are bad. Do not run into the woods. Just think chainsaw or axe.
4) If you run into a room that is draped in plastic painting tarps--you are screwed. This will not end well for you. So don't run into that room.
5) Do not go down a sewer drain or into a dark tunnel.
6) When you hear a strange noise, don't go in search of it. Just let it be. It's okay.
7) Do not look at the window. Ever. The bad guy is always on the other side. Even if you are on the third floor, the bad guy will chuck a body part at you. So don't look.
8) Don't go into the basement or cellar to check the breaker system. It's useless. The lines will have already been cut.
9) If you move into a new neighborhood and your creepy neighbor says something weird or something that just seems improbable, you best believe him and do as he says. Just do it. Even is it means wearing a teddy bear costume and waving a feather duster. This will save your life.
10) This is the biggest thing I learned (from THE HILLS HAVE EYES) do NOT take shortcuts. Especially in the desert. There are no gas stations along the short cut path. There are no "real" people on the short cut path. There is no water. No food. No cell phone service. And you vehicle will stall, run out of gas, blow a tire or two, or simply chose to stop working at this time. It will happen. So stick to main roads.
If you have any other helpful hints, let me know. Let's add them and save a few lives. What was the scariest movie you ever saw? And if you had to recommend a scary movie (a scary movie type A--with hope) what would it be?