My Zombie Apocalypse Haunted House Experience...

RULE 1: Don't Touch the Zombies. (No problem there).

When I saw the HUGE billboard signs all over the city advertising a Zombie Apocalypse haunted house, I said, "Heck yeah! I'm totally going!" I forced my husband who was like, "We're paying how much for this nonsense?" to go with me. Then I gathered up two of my friends and convinced them and their husbands to come along as well.

I haven't been to a haunted house in... jeez, I have no idea how many years. Perhaps twenty (yeah, I'm old. But I'm totally immature, so there). So we get there about 30 minutes early because I figured there would be this enormous line. There wasn't. In fact, we were the first people. Hmmm....weird. Let's just say that you can tell how awesome a haunted house is based on how many people are waiting in line before it opens--large line 30 minutes prior to opening it's bound to be good; no line...save your twenty bucks. Anyhoo...we had drove 45minutes to get there and we had money in our pockets, so we continued on. Now don't get me wrong, there were some pretty good parts to this haunted house, and the fact that my friend Becky screamed at EVERY little thing made the whole experience worth it. But for the most part, it just wasn't that scary. A bit gross. But not scary.

But I must say this though, crawling zombies are a WHOLE lot more terrifying than zombies walking on two legs. You wouldn't think so, but they are! As a group we came around a corner with me at the very back (how I ended up in the back, I have no idea, because being in the back of any situation is NOT the place you want to be. Somewhere in the middle is always good). Well, my lovely group of friends and my loving husband (those jerks) went around the corner and past this dark bloody bedroom. Just as I was to do the same, this disgusting weird angled zombie girl, down on all fours, trapped me. She wouldn't let me pass. She looked something like this:

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I would move to the right, she'd scurry to the right. I'd move to the left, and she'd slither to the left. I couldn't get passed her. Do you think my dear friends or loving husband would come back for me. Oh, no! They left me behind. So I yelled to them, "If this was a real zombie situation and this girl was to bite me, I'm coming after ALL of you first!" I totally would too.

Eventually, I dodged her and got by. She was one really good little actress, and even now looking back I would have to say she was my favorite zombie by far (I know, you're not supposed to have favorites, but I do). I liked her best. Good job, crazy crawling zombie girl!

I jumped a few times when zombies came out of nowhere, and screamed because my friend Becky screamed, but for the most part it wasn't the zombies or the dark that scared me the most... Once again, I ended up in the very back and watched as everyone squeezed through this small hallway that had these blowup balloon-like things that you had to press and push through. I don't do tight spaces. I don't do claustrophobia. I don't do balloon-like things pressed in all around me. Everyone went through, and fear like no other gripped my chest and I had to bend over and settle myself down. Just even thinking about it right now makes my chest hurt. Logically, I knew that balloon-like things pressed in all around me wasn't going to kill me. Yet, it took me a good long time before I managed to pull myself together and go for it. I hated it. Being in the dark in a tight space with material pushed in all around you so that you could hardly move TERRIFIED me. It was the worst.

Overall, the haunted house just didn't scare me as I'd hoped it would. But I did have a great time despite that. AND, I learned that crawling zombies are the worst (note to self: add more crawling zombies to The Zombie West Series). AND...I don't like talking zombies or zombies that can climb up chain link fences (the haunted house had a few of those). I like my zombies moaning and shuffling. Zombies that yell at you just loses a little something.

Here is a video from inside the haunted house of my friend screaming like crazy. You can't see much, but you sure can hear her:

Here is another that my husband wanted me to post showing that they did wonder where I'd disappeared too. But still, no one came back for me--wondering and coming back are two different things. (Once again you can't see much--but this was the black balloon thingy I was talking about).

What's the best haunted house you've ever been too? Do you find them scary or cheesy? I'd love to know.