Angela Scott
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My Second Crusader Challenge, 100 Word Flash Fiction Entry: Blind Sight

3/19/2011

33 Comments

 
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The Challenge:

Write a flash fiction story (in any format) in 100 words or less, excluding the title. Begin the story with the words, “The goldfish bowl teetered” These four words will be included in the word count.


If you want to give yourself an added challenge (optional, and not part of the judging criteria), see if you can write the story in your own genre (eg if you’re a horror writer, write a horror story; a romance writer, a romance story, etc). To join, see Rachael Harrie's blog for more details.


Here's my attempt. Exactly 100 words:

Title: Blind Sight

The goldfish bowl teetered along the table's edge, a delicate balancing act between life and death. Without thought, he slid the bowl to safety, something he’d done numerous times, and waited for her to show herself.

“I know you’re here,” he whispered.

Chilled breath flitted across his neck, causing the tiny hairs to rise. A whoosh of air set the curtains dancing despite the rooms closed windows. The bedcovers rose, an act of play, before settling once more.

Quite the entrance.

In the far corner, the wispy girl brushed the transparent hair from her eyes and smiled. “Hello, George.”


33 Comments
Carol Riggs link
3/19/2011 02:05:59 am

Hey, nice! Kind of a ghostly paranormal mood here! I like the sensations--the tiny hairs rising, the chill on the neck. Also love the transparent hair. :) ps, you have tittered as in laugh on that first line instead of teetered as in tilt if you want to tweak!

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CherylAnne Ham link
3/19/2011 02:42:26 am

Ooh, I love it. It gave me goosebumps. Great imagery. :)

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Liz Fichera link
3/19/2011 11:29:16 am

"the bedcovers rose..." Love that! Hauntingly visual!

Nice to meet you, Angela!

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Abhishek Boinapalli link
3/19/2011 02:40:17 pm

Wow!! A ghost entry!! that too using "the gold fish bowl teetered"!! cool!! Nice to read!!


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Adina West link
3/19/2011 10:41:42 pm

Great atmosphere Angela! Loving all the variations to these entries...

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thingy
3/20/2011 01:58:31 am

Yeah, I got chills. Loved it!

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Jennifer Elliott link
3/20/2011 04:52:37 am

Very nice! Good read.

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Charity Bradford link
3/20/2011 10:51:44 pm

I love how he moves the bowl to safety without thinking about it. It adds to the feeling that he isn't concerned about the paranormal activity around him.

Great job!

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Tony Benson link
3/21/2011 02:52:24 am

Delightfully spooky. A fun read.

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Cherie Reich link
3/21/2011 03:54:53 am

Love this!

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Ben Langhinrichs link
3/21/2011 06:03:41 am

Excellent imagery. I like the way you used the goldfish bowl to signify her presence.

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Raising Marshmallows link
3/21/2011 06:50:07 am

Hauntingly stimulating! Very entertaining, love it!

Nikki

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Holly Vance link
3/21/2011 06:56:02 am

Your ghost certainly does know how to make an entrance. Very poetic prose.

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Margo Benson link
3/21/2011 07:06:23 am

Creepy and intriguing imagery here...excellent, I'd love more.

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Sierra Gardner link
3/21/2011 07:33:50 am

Very creepy and great visuals. Loved it!

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Elisa link
3/21/2011 08:22:17 am

Awesome!!! I LOVE this ;)

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Cally Jackson link
3/21/2011 08:40:14 am

Ooh, spooky. Love it. This challenge just shows there are so many ways a story can go, despite where it starts!

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Jen
3/21/2011 10:23:52 am

Wow! Chilling in only 100 words. Great job!

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Summer Ross link
3/21/2011 11:47:36 am

Oh creepy but great entrance...I like that he moved the bowl to protect it.

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Trisha link
3/21/2011 12:39:09 pm

This is a great entry! Just one crit:

"despite the rooms closed windows"

rooms should be room's with an apostrophe :)

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Amanda Milner link
3/21/2011 04:14:03 pm

♥LOVE IT!♥ Chills...

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alberta ross
3/22/2011 06:35:46 am

so very good - transparent hair - bedclothes playing - great

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jeanne kraus link
3/22/2011 10:57:50 am

Very nice ethereal ghostly happening. Amazing how a goldfish bowl led to your beautiful imagery. Wonderful job.

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Nicole Ducleroir link
3/23/2011 12:36:09 am

Well done! You captured the mood of the moment and described the scene so well. Bravo!

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Crystal link
3/23/2011 01:10:37 am

Very curious. Definitely have my interest peeked.

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Alison Stevebs link
3/23/2011 05:36:43 am

Love the paranormal take on the challenge!

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Mike link
3/23/2011 08:11:31 am

I'm checking out my competition on this flash fiction thingy. Yours is really good. I can't wish you luck though cause I want to win. :P

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Sylvia van Bruggen link
3/23/2011 09:33:06 pm

I really love this take on the challenge, very very nice!!!

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Catherine Johnson link
3/24/2011 01:23:19 am

Ooh creepy, I like it!

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Alison Miller link
3/25/2011 11:17:15 am

You are always so good with words! I really enjoyed reading this. Eerie, intriguing - had a very supernatural feel to it. Great job!

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Joy link
3/25/2011 12:44:35 pm

Interesting how you managed to make this kinda scary and yet friendly, through George's relationship with his visitor.

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Bess Weatherby link
3/26/2011 02:10:21 am

ooh! Very tense! i liked this a lot!

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Misha link
3/26/2011 10:27:41 pm

Hi!

I really enjoyed this fan fic. Because of that, I chose you my top five for this challenge.

Good luck for the next challenge!

:-)

Reply



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