I have not blogged for awhile for a couple of reasons. Reason #1: I’ve been writing a lot on my novel and I enjoy it tremendously. Reason #2 I hate running. My last couple of running trips ended poorly and so now it’s hard to convince myself that I want to keep doing it at all. Reason #3 The Ragnar is just a little over a month away and I am struggling to figure out how in the world I am going to accomplish this impossible task and Reason #4 I just got back from a trip with my family to New York City.
So what to write about? I guess I will hit on all four reasons above. Reason #1: This little story of mine is taking off. My passion is writing, and this particular novel has pushed me to the brinks of every possible emotion a writer can feel—unsure, thrilled, excited, fanatical, depressed. It’s endless actually. These fictional characters, a boy of 15 and a girl of 12, tug at my mothering heartstrings, so that when I have to write an unpleasant scene, it literally hurts my heart and pains me. I have poured my all into this story. Writing is what I want to do. I think I am good at it. That is my hope.
Reason #2: Running is not what I want to do. It is not something I am good at doing. Maybe someday I will be “okay” at it, but I fear that goal is far reaching—years down the road perhaps. Running is not easy. I have tried. I have tried a lot, and I have come to the point that running is not my thing. Some people enjoy it; get a runners high and a feeling of a sense of accomplishment by doing it. Not me. Am I not allowed to admit this? Am I not allowed to say, I tried it and it just didn’t work for me? So, yeah, in the past two weeks I have only went running twice. Running depresses me. Why in the world would I want to keep doing it.
Reason #3: The Ragnar. This is the reason I must keeping trying to run. This is why I do it. It is coming. It is coming up quickly. Just thinking about it makes me want to pee my pants. It scares me to death. 13.1 miles of running. Why, oh why in the world did I commit myself to something as insane as this? I wish I could go back in time (anyone have a time machine out there I could borrow?) It’s too late now. I can only do what I can do and pray that somehow I live through it. (In case something should happen to me, I have a green journal with my final requests written down. Thumb through it, it’s somewhere in the middle, and do EXACTLY as I have requested. I will be watching and swear I will haunt you if you don’t).
Reason #4: New York. New York how I love thee! A whirlwind trip for sure. I love New York. It is a remarkable place—more people crammed into the tiny space of Manhattan than I think could ever possibly fit (that’s why there are so many tall buildings there—no room for people to walk around on the ground, they had to put some of them up in the sky). I hope my kids enjoyed it and will look back and say, remember that time we flew to New York for the day? It was totally wicked! That’s what I want, great experiences for my children. Did a day trip to New York wipe me out? Oh, yeah. Completely. Was it worth it? Definitely.
So, those are my reasons for not blogging. I will do better. I will try harder. I will write today. I will run today. This way I will have something to blog about tomorrow.