My home page on the internet is iGoogle. I can see if I have any new emails, check the weather, get top stories from the Salt Lake Tribune and Tip’s for the day. Today’s tip column had “How to Enjoy Running.” Boy, that peeked my interest—enjoy running. This is something I would like to know.
I clicked on the link. Tell me the secret oh great and noble running expert. Tell me how to enjoy running, because for the most part, I don’t much enjoy it all. Since the Ragnar, I have run exactly . . . zero times. Sad, but true. I don’t want to lose what strength and perseverance I have gained (I have gained some). But at the same time, I have nothing pushing me, no goals to make me pick up my gear and go for a run. My desire is gone.
So anyway, I saw this tip and I thought *INSPIRSTION*. I was ready for some insight, something new I didn’t know about, some secret that has eluded me all this time. This is what I got: http://www.wikihow.com/Enjoy-Running
1) LISTEN TO MUSIC . . . Okay. That’s it? What? Nothing new there. I already listen to music, highly upbeat music. And it doesn’t help much. On to step two.
2) SWITCH IT UP. RUN IN DIFFERENT LOCATIONS . . . Okay. I already do that too. Hmm, maybe step three will be better and more insightful.
3) DON’T RUN TOO HARD. . . OKAY!!! There we go. Now we’re talking. It goes on to say “Put away the competitive running when you’re running for fun” and also “Put away the stopwatch”. Competitive? Stop watch? WHAT??? Ha,ha,ha. That’s funny. But I do like the “Don’t run too hard.” That I can do.
4) USE MENTAL TRAINING SKILLS TO OVERCOME YOUR MIND-SPEAK THAT SUGGESTS YOU STOP . . . Okay. I have already said that the mind over matter doesn’t work for me. My matter is really, really strong-willed. I am weak and I give in. I’m not one for pain and suffering. I’m a “take it easy” kinda gal.
5) STRETCH . . . now this article is just becoming BLAH,BLAH,BLAH. Stretching ain’t fun either. Now I need an article to tell me HOW TO ENJOY STRETCHING.
6) RUN PROPERLY . . . What?? “Use good running technique.” Maybe that’s my problem. My technique is “get ‘er done.” Run from here to there. What more “technique” is there than that?
7) RUN WITH FRIENDS . . . Well, that just blows. All my running friends are really fast runners. They can go the distance. (I hate them). If ever there is a bear chasing us, I’m going to jump on their backs and have them carry me—they’re that quick. Run with a friend, my behind :P
8) HAVE REST PERIODS . . . Now I’m listening. What kind of rest periods? Run a little, walk a little, drink a diet Pepsi, go shopping, run a little more, get a massage, walk home? Wait. No? Dag nab it. The article suggests run and then take a “break” and go swimming or some other kind of exercise to “switch it up.” That’s not fun. That’s not enjoyable—especially the swimming part. Swimming means putting on a suit. Okay, number nine better be good. Tell me something I need to know number nine. This is it. This is the last bit of advice to help me enjoy running.
9) LISTEN TO YOURSELF . . . I am! I am! Myself says, “Running ain’t fun. Relaxing and kicking back with a good book or, better yet, my laptop, is much more enjoyable.” Actually, this article indicates that listening to yourself and recognize the “unusual” aches and pains. Thus suggesting there is normal aches and pains to be experienced.
Well, I didn’t learn a thing to make running more enjoyable. So my question is, make running more enjoyable than WHAT? I do enjoy running more than root canals. I enjoy running more than kidney stones. I enjoy running more than allergies, being bitten by a dog, doing laundry, pulling weeds, hitting my funny bone, the flu, yearly exams, or brain freezes. So in that essence, okay. I do enjoy running. But boy, I sure can think of a bunch of stuff I like a whole lot more.
This article taught me nothing. Two thumbs down from me. I mean, I was expecting it to say something like:
1) Run while eating a double scoop ice cream cone. (That could totally be fun)
2) Run with a juggling clown. (I’m laughing all ready).
3) Run while listening to “The Office” or “Modern Family” or “In the Middle.” (Those shows crack me up).
4) Run while wearing rose colored glasses. (Oooohhh . . . I love pink).
5) Run while dressed from head to toe in pink, while listening to Pink, and drinking strawberry milk and chewing pink bubblegum. (This one is my favorite).
6) Run with a parrot on your shoulder and a patch over your eye. (One of these days, I’m going to do it too. Just you wait.)
7) Run while carrying a fake Olympic torch. (Could you imagine?)
8) Run around the exterior of your favorite store, or better yet, run around the INTERIOR of your favorite store. (Khol’s, here I come).
9) Run while screaming, “The aliens are coming! The aliens are coming!” (See, these suggestions are fun and would TOTALLY make running much more enjoyable and interesting).
*If any of you should happen to utilize and actually do any of my above suggestions, and can prove it, I will send you a crisp $1 dollar bill. IF you do numbers #5, #6, or #8, I will send you TEN crisp dollar bills. (Proof is a must).
*I am thinking about running a 5K on the 21st of August, but my desire level is nil. I need a goal, but I don’t want a goal. It’s a tug a war. So, we’ll see.