Angela Scott
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"FROM YOUR SECRET LOVER"--My WORST Christmas Present EVER!

12/11/2011

14 Comments

 
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Poor Ralphie! (The Christmas Story)

We've all received one. That glorious, beautifully wrapped present that exudes love, magic, and holiday joy--only to be opened to reveal a gift so awful it causes us to die a little inside.

I'm talking the dreaded handmade sweater, the talking toilet paper roll, the Christmas holiday decoration given to us ON Christmas day so that we have to wait a whole year to enjoy it, the wallet that looks like bacon (yes folks, there is a wallet that looks like bacon. I'm half tempted to buy it), the half a bottle of aspirin with a bow on top, any kind of salt and pepper shaker, or the ever so fun Chia Pet in all it's forms. We ALL have one of those stories. And if you don't, well it's coming! Just you wait and see.



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_For me, it came in a box, delivered by the postman, marked, "From your Secret Lover".

Since I only had one lover, it was quite easy to narrow it down to that of my husband. What a guy! It made me all giddy inside. I wondered what it could be? I shook that box, but couldn't for the life of me figure out what he had bought. It had to be something pretty special to have Amazon print out a tag that said "From your Secret Lover!" I was certain it was filled with all kinds of awesomeness inside.

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Told you. Bacon wallet.
He didn't wrap it. He just put it under the tree as-is, but I didn't mind. I liked looking at the address label, so it was all good. I was all excited. I even told my friends about my "From your Secret Lover" box asking them to speculate as well. Jewelery? I didn't think so. It was an average, medium sized box. Clothes? Again I didn't think so. It felt too heavy to be clothes.

I just couldn't wait for Christmas morning to find out.

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Finally, Christmas arrived. Our children were all a buzz and filled to the brim with glee as they raced each other to the tree and began to open their various gifts.

But my eye was on my box. Forget that there were other gifts under the tree with my name on them, I wanted to know what was in that box. I'm not good with surprises. I'm terrible, actually. Don't ask me to keep a secret because I'm horrible at it.

Well, it was time to open my gift. My husband handed it to me. Smiles all on my face. Guess what was inside?

A book. Now, I love books. I have a mighty fine collection of books scattered through out my house. But this wasn't just any book. This was a EVERYTHING I NEEDED TO ORGANIZE YOUR HOME book. Yep. My secret lover bought me a book on organization. Yeah. Exactly. (Women, you're probably like, "Oh my gosh! He didn't?" and men, you're like, "Dude. That guy is so screwed").

Tip number one: Do NOT buy your significant other a book to organize your home even if you really think your home could benefit from it. AND do not label it from your secret lover unless you no longer want to have this particular lover in your life.

Tip number two: Do NOT give a book about organization to your significant other when you, yourself, are a mini hoarder.

Tip number three: There is NO good holiday or occasion to give your loved one a book on organization. None. This is the kind of book that a person has to buy for themselves. It can NOT be given as a gift to ANYONE.

(To play devil's advocate here, my husband had heard the author of this book on NPR, National Public Radio, and thought this author had some amazing ideas. My husband thought he was doing a great thing. This was many years ago. I'm still bringing it up. So as you can see, it was not. I never even opened the cover of that book. Never read it).

Since then, my husband has bought me some wonderful presents--Kindle, jewelery, cameras, vacations. So he has redeemed himself. He's a good guy (he wanted me to point this out).

So, what was the WORST present you have ever received? Can you top a book on how to organize your home? I'd love to hear about it.

14 Comments
Anninyn ICoS link
12/11/2011 12:52:01 am

I have appreciated every gift I've ever received, simply because it means I'm loved. I like being loved.

But the worst remains something from my parents. They even admitted on my opening it it wasn't my sort of thing.

Now, before you read this you have to be aware that since 1999 I have been of the gothy persuasion, and at 17 when I received this gift I was at my most extreme.

It was separated into 3 presents. My parents told me to open them one after the other.

The first: A gold lame halter top.
The second: A gold, glittery mini skirt.
The third: a pair of gold high heels.

This was so far from anything I'd ever wear it was ridiculous. I think I was actually stunned.

And my parents normally were and are very good at buying me clothes, to the extend ater I got my back tattoo my mother bought me lots of tops that would show it off despite her hating it.

I have no idea what happened with this, then. It was so off-map. I think my mum went a little mad, realised she ahd these things and she couldn't get rid of them any other way.

It wasn't a complete loss. I wore them one Halloween when I covered my skin in gold face paint and went as a statue.

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Anne Mackle link
12/11/2011 06:43:31 am

This post is so funny,your face must have been a picture but I do kinda feel sorry for your husband.One Christmas my husband gave me a huge box and when I opened it there was a wok and chopsticks.I was so mad as I had spent ages looking for presents for him. Fortunately for him he had hidden a gold bracelet in it and saved the day but I felt bad about being so mad at him.

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Kortnee link
12/11/2011 09:17:21 am

I'd been married a little over 2 months and my parents got me a cookbook. They told my husband it was for him, but for me to use and they were sorry they hadn't taught me better before I moved out. When we got home, I cried.

To this day, my husband is not allowed in the kitchen. He tends to set the stove on fire. I've sold 3 recipes and I keep the stupid cookbook to put hot stuff on. I've never used it for anything else on principle.

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Katie Humphrey link
12/11/2011 03:42:01 pm

I have to say my worst gift was given to me by my parents about 3 years ago. The kids had all had fab presents, hubby had been given the latest Xbox game and what wonderfull gift was bestowed on me by my loving parents? A loft ladder! I had mentioned once about 3 months previous that we needed one and I must admit it has come in handy, but I'd also mentioned I was desperate for slippers lol

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Laina link
12/12/2011 01:07:30 am

Well, one year, my aunt once gave me a pair of pants that were the same colour and fuzziness as Ralph's bunny suit... not to mention 2 sizes too big.

Last year, she gave my mother 2 sets of matching earring/necklace/rings... and I got laser scissors.

Normally she gives much better presents, like the full set of baking pans that I've used for years, or the box of books, but... laser scissors. XD

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Michael Offutt link
12/12/2011 01:11:34 am

Sometimes I think that in order to be better at giving, one has to receive crappy gifts. This broadens your mind because you don't want to repeat that for someone else. I know that I've been given some real stinkers in the past. So I try to think about what a person would use or possibly want and go from there. For the record, I bought my friend Tomeka this year a pink sapphire pendant in a fleur de lis setting.

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Lisa Rosenman
12/12/2011 07:56:49 am

I'm a teacher, and I taught 13 years in inner city schools. One kindergarten girl brought me a (used) mascara bottle from home. One boy brought me the UGLIEST red hair bow that I'd ever seen, and I wore it for the rest of the day. (I threw away the mascara!) It was actually sweet, because they were trying.

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Nancy Lauzon link
12/12/2011 08:32:36 am

Omigosh, I'd be upset too. I've had several dud gifts over the years. I think I put way more thought into my gifts for people. One year hubby bought me a pair of Mickey Mouse flannel P.Js. We'd come back from Disney World the previous year, and I think he thought they were cute. I thought they were hideous. Another year he got me a stocking full of kitchen utensils. Apparently he'd hit a going out of business sale at the local kitchen store. Really? I mean, really? He knows better now not to buy me any kind of appliance or kitchen thing, since he got an earful that year.

My sister is terrible with gifts. Last Christmas she bought me a tube of Avon lipstick in a hideous blood red color. The only time I wear red lipstick is if I'm going to a 50's party or as a witch at Halloween.

Thanks for a fun post!

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richie
12/14/2011 01:12:36 am

Me personally, it was a gift from my stepmother. It was a sweater with a tag - from a dry cleaner. Obviously, a used one. I smiled, thanked her, and donated it to charity.
Friends have told me of even worse gifts. One said her boyfriend bought her a garbage can. Seriously?
Another told me that her boyfriend got her a fly swatter. That's bad enough, but what's worse is that he bought it for her so that she could swat the flies for him!

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E.B. Black link
12/15/2011 05:46:23 am

Interesting story that made me want to share one of my own.

My ex-boyfriend that I dated for five years once gave me cherry chewing tobacco as a present for Valentine's Day. XD And I don't even smoke or chew tobacco. I was pretty pissed.

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Maria
12/15/2011 08:35:32 am

The worst ever was from my BFF and it was this handkerchief set thing with a plastic cameo brooch. WTF?!?!?! She still denies the hideousness of this gift. To save our friendship, we do not talk about this gift period.

It did almost ruin our friendship. Of course that was twenty plus years ago. Bad presents don't mean the end of anything necessarily, but you can't keep bringing them up and/or defending the stupidity based on which side of the gift giving equation you are on.

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Sabrina
12/15/2011 10:52:51 am

My husband to be gave me a Bible. Mind you, I have nothing against Christians, I'm just not one of them. Strenuously not one of them. He knew this.

I know, it meant he cared, wanted to "help" me, etc., but it also showed a profound lack of understanding since I knew the bible better than he did. Worst gift I ever received because it showed how misunderstood I was by someone I cared for.

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K. E. Ireland link
12/17/2011 01:49:44 am

I think the "proposal" I got after 4yrs of dating tops anything.

He dropped the ring box in my hands, said "this doesn't change anything" and went back to playing video games. This was after I cried at him for 2hrs shortly before Valentines Day trying to explain why I didn't want a wedding but DID want an engagement, and even went so far as to pick the ring out myself and give him several different links online. He bought the cheapest one there was. He claimed he didn't know what a proposal was or how to do one. Filthy liar.

He's now my ex. :3

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Wanda
12/25/2011 07:59:07 pm

My husband gave me a new pantry in December in the coat closet. I really needed it and had waited for TWELVE years to have it put in the house he planned. First, he complained about the cost so I jokingly told him we would call it my Christmas gift. So on Christmas, he kept asking me to open my presents. What presents? I had bought myself one present as he is a repeat offender on neglecting to get me anything. He always says he has no time or money to buy me anything. He had time to go shopping for his coworker. Get this_-he went shopping to pick up his coworkers present for his wife. He also dropped close to $100 on seafood for a New Years Dinner my husband plans to eat(that I of course will have to cook). Seriously, he couldn't even pick up a 5 or 10 dollar gift!oh, and we're not broke. So its not that.

Reply



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