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Fourth of July Party Pooper--That's Me

7/5/2011

8 Comments

 
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I think I’m a Fourth of July party pooper.

It isn’t that I don’t like freedom and living in America (because I do, I really, really do) it’s all the parades and fireworks that make me shiver and cringe.

It all started (insert Scooby Doo transition scene) . . .

I remember it well, we were watching a big fireworks show when I bit into a piece of peanut brittle and out popped my baby tooth and I lost it in the dark grass. Oh the injustice! I’d been waiting for that tooth to fall out and now I had no tooth to put under my pillow. The tooth fairy wouldn’t come! I freaked. My parents assured me I could write a note, but I was certain the tooth fairy would think I was a liar. A liar!  I cried and cried and cried. (The tooth fairy DID come and I received big money too—note to kids: when your tooth falls out, lose it. There’s more money to be made that way).

Again, when I was a kid, I was twirling sparklers when I dropped one on the ground. It was dark. I couldn’t see, but I picked it up anyway and burnt my finger and thumb. I received two big ol’ blisters for my effort.

Another time, again as a kid, my family went to California to visit relatives over the Fourth of July. In California, fireworks are illegal. So we celebrated the Fourth with watermelon. That was it. Watermelon. That’s not right.

As a teenager, my best friend chose to move across the country on the Fourth of July. I watched him pack up his VW and drive away while fireworks blasted in the dark sky over head. So sad.

As for parades, I was a super cool rocking clarinet player (okay, not) and was FORCED to march in a ton of sweltering hot parades dressed head to toe in black—yes, black. Black polyester pants, matching cowboy looking hat with plume, black shoes, and two shirts (one white t-shirt to wear under our uniform so we didn’t leave sweat stains on the school issued shirts). Cruel. Mean. EVIL.  It was awful. Some kids buckled and fainted. Others just sweated profusely. Oh, and if we marched behind horses, we were told (more like commanded) to NEVER break line. Walk through the poop. EVIL.  We marched for miles in the sun on dark pavement with poop on our shoes. That’s not fun.

Yep, I’m a Fourth of July party pooper.

Yesterday, I took my kids to the parade. While they gathered candy and Frisbees, I proceeded to fall asleep. I didn’t mean too. It just kind of happened. So in the midst of school bands (oh, how I pity those kids) and fire engines, I snoozed—part exhaustion, part boredom. I didn’t mean too. It just kind of happened. This happened after I stood for the flag and waved at little old veterans—I am patriotic after all. I’m not a traitor or anything like that, just not a fan of parades.

I do enjoy the big firework shows. They’re beautiful. I do NOT, however, like neighborhood firecracker blasting outside my bedroom window until 2am. The boom, boom, pow, snap, sizzle and flash of light really ticks me off. (This was how my night has been the past two days—such joy).

I love America. I love my country and I love my freedom and the soldiers who fight, or who have fought, so that I can enjoy the life and freedoms I have. I am grateful. I really am. My flag waves in front of my home as tribute to those who have lost their lives in that pursuit.  My prayers go out to those families who have loved ones fighting current wars right now.

I just wish my redneck neighbors would blow things up before midnight so I could get my sleep. I mean, don’t they realize I spent all morning and most of the afternoon sitting in the sun surrounded by thousands of people watching a slow moving parade?



8 Comments
Lyn Midnight link
7/5/2011 04:04:12 am

Did you at least blow the watermelon up? O_O

LOL! Walk through poop. Oh you're killing me here! *breathes*

You are a cracker yourself, you know that? I bet if they tried to pop you, you'd be like a pinata with lots of delicious treats and... omg, I had to stop here because what follow is gross, LMAO.

Ahem. Thanks for making me laugh so hard. I hear it's good for you as long as you don't choke to death. Dunno what it's about holidays... they make me crack not-funny death jokes.

Huh. h. u. h.

Reply
TL Jeffcoat link
7/5/2011 04:20:04 am

I'm not a big fan of parades either. I love firing off fireworks in my neighborhood, but on the fourth we do it around 10 and then that's it. We go back to the party. Luckily this year our drought is so severe signs were posted warning for $1,000 fines if anyone was even caught holding a firework. Quietest Fourth ever.

Reply
Becka (stickynotestory) link
7/5/2011 07:07:46 am

AMEN!

I wrote a post like this today :P I don't mind the parades and such (and certainly didn't mind watching the fighter jets cruise along over the coastline while I laid out at the beach), but I can't stand the neighborhood firecrackers. It makes me want to blow things up in my neighbor's backyard and see how they like it!

Bah Humbug.

Reply
jeanne kraus link
7/5/2011 07:17:50 am

We had 3 lucky nights of fireworks in my neighborhood. Twas a treat. I am no longer a fan of parades either but loved them as a kid. Now I prefer staying home and curled up with a book. I guess what bothers me about the 4th is that not many people are celebrating freedom, they just want to set off fireworks.

Reply
Juliana link
7/5/2011 10:48:13 am

I spent the Fourth driving from Minnesota to Mississippi. Fireworks would have been more fun, lol.

Reply
Nancy Lauzon link
7/6/2011 10:40:59 am

No wonder July 4th isn't your favorite holiday, who could blame you, LOL? Oh, the trauma...

Nancy
The Chick Dick Blog
http://nancylauzon.blogspot.com/

Reply
J.L.Campbell link
7/11/2011 12:35:17 pm

Fire crackers are illegal here too, but that doesn't stop tons of them being imported at cause fright and mayhem round about Christmas time.

Sorry, your 4th of July experiences sound torturous and traumatic, but sorry, I got a chuckle out of some of them.

Does that make me a bad person?

Don't answer that!

Reply
CF Winn link
7/29/2011 11:47:28 am

Ha ha ha..you, my friend, are FUNNY!! I am so sorry about your experiences for YOU, but for me...thank you! and CHEERS KAFE CASTRO STYLE!! You soooo deserve an over the top CHEERS!!!

http://simplystick.blogspot.com/

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