Down with CORN! Get it out of our public schools! It's dangerous stuff! #funnytruestory
I'm not very political. I hardly, if ever, watch the news. The world could be ending tomorrow, and I would never know it. I'd wake up (saying I survived) and wonder where everyone went.
Democrat? Republican? Liberal? Honestly, I don't know.
And heaven forbid any of my children come to me with homework concerning the various branches of government--boring stuff in my mind. I don't know that stuff, and really don't care to. Should someone ask me to name my city's Mayor or who the Governor of the state of Utah is...well, I couldn't. It is what it is.
So when I found myself stuck in a car, listening to the conversation between two good friends over the plight and effects of corn on our children and how the legislative got involved to ban it, I sat up a little taller in my seat. I hadn't realized that corn was so dangerous or so problematic. I love corn. Corn on the cob is my favorite. My family and I enjoy corn on a regular basis.
The conversation mostly centered on how one elementary school got the legislative involved after a slew of students came to school, day after day, bringing corn onto school property. When the children were questioned about the corn, the school found out that right next to one of the bus stops just so happened to be a corn stand. The kids had easy access to the corn, which the school did not want them to have. So the school PTA got involved, contacted the state legislative (still not sure what that is, but sounds impressive) to have the corn stand shut down.
NO MORE CORN AT SCHOOL.
Everyone was thrilled when the corn stand was put out of business--the school, the parents--but I couldn't help but think about the poor farmers who all they wanted to to do was sell some corn and make a living. Darn those kids for snagging their corn and bringing it to the school! Didn't anyone think to punish the kids?
"Stop bringing corn to school or no recess for you!"
See, totally effective, and the government wouldn't have had to spend precious tax payer dollars on something so dumb.
AND, why did we care about kids bringing corn to school anyway? If my kids walked into school carrying corn, just tell them to put in their backpacks and take it home. We don't mind corn at our house.
I looked at my crazed friend in the backseat of the car and asked, "Why such the uproar over corn? What's the big deal? Were the kids making a mess in the halls or something?"
She looked at me as though I had just grown an extra head. "I don't want my kids having corn! It affects the chemicals in their brains and they'll get addicted to it. It's not good for them!"
My friend was a health-nut FREAK!
Don't get me wrong, I get that corn syrup isn't good for you and that it just so happens to be in EVERYTHING. I try to buy foods with little or no corn syrup in them, but CORN? Really? Come on!
"Well, I, for one, love corn. And my kids can have as much corn as they want. I don't think it's as bad as you're all making it out to be. Utah's gone crazy!"
"Angela! You'd seriously let your kids have corn?"
"Everyday if they wanted it! It's the only vegetable I can get them to eat!"
"Wait...Did you say vegetable? Are you thinking we're talking about CORN?"
My friends began to laugh, but I still didn't see what was so funny. "We're talking about PORN. Porn-og-raphy. We don't want the kids to have access to porn and especially not right next to a school bus stop."
Okay...that made better sense. I was seriously thinking I needed to get new friends.
5/12/2012 03:12:22 am
Hysterical. Thanks for the laugh.
5/13/2012 06:10:57 am
LMAO OMG that was funny thanks!
5/14/2012 05:37:16 am
OMG Angela, you CRACK ME UP! I seriously have tears in my eyes and just read it again with Dmytry standing behind me reading it. Thanks for the laugh!
5/17/2012 05:50:55 am
Adorable! Sounds like something I would have done!
5/22/2012 01:15:48 am
Thank you for the laugh! Great writing-well done! (I had to call and friend and make her read it! Very memorable!)
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