Zombies Vs. Vampires? What do you think?

I love myself a good argument, so why not start one now.

Which is better (cooler): Zombies or Vampires?

Now, I am a bit biased here, I know, BUT I have tried to be fair in my assessment and present both sides as equally as I can. I’ve tried to compile my information by viewing different aspects of the world’s top two species of the “undead” and here is what I’ve came up with:

1)      How do you kill them? ZOMBIES WIN

Vampires can be destroyed by only one thing, and one thing only—a wooden stake through the heart (though garlic, holy water, and crosses are good at keeping them at bay). Wooden stakes? Hmm, how many of us have those lying around handy? Kinda lame. Oh, and the sun (except in Stephanie Meyer’s books). The sun can kill them too.

Zombies can be destroyed by destroying the brain—guns, chainsaws, baseball bats, etc . . . That is the only way. Nothing else.

2)      Agility VAMPIRE WIN

Vampires can transform into bats and fly away. That is beneficial and is quite handy.

Zombies can only amble slowly (unless it’s one of the newer zombie movies where the zombies can run with crazy-like speed. But for this argument, we’re talking slow zombies). Zombies also tend to form packs.  One slow moving zombie, not bad. A horde of slow moving zombies, could be a big problem.

3)      Sense of smell? ZOMBIE WIN

Vampire sense of smell is rather exceptional. It is likened to that of a wolf or dogs. Smells blood that courses through a person’s veins.

Zombies have more receptor cells than Vampire (per zombie biology at www.fvza.org). The smell of human flesh releases a high amount of Dopamine.

4)      Cereal? VAMPIRES WIN

Vampires have their own breakfast cereal—chocolaty and delicious.

Zombies have yet to capitalize of the importance of a healthy balanced morning meal (yes, chocolate cereal isn’t healthy, but it is yummy).

5)      Sense of Hearing? VAMPIRE WIN

Vampires are capable of hearing is exceptional. Highly magnified, again much like a wolf or dog (per Powers of the Vampire www.monstropedia.org)

Zombies tend can’t hear all too well. Quite impaired.

6)      Jaws/Mouth/Teeth ZOMBIE WIN

Vampires have teeth strong enough to poke two holes in the neck in which to draw out blood

Zombies can bite whole chunks of flesh. Their jaws are vice-like. Once they clamp on, you’re a gonner.

7)      Brain/Smarts VAMPIRE WIN

Vampires are able to think and calculate

Zombies only have one thing on their mind—EAT BRAINS

8)      Nervous System ZOMBIE WIN

Though Vampires are difficult to kill, they can be affected by sunlight, garlic, and holy water. They have to be careful.

Zombies can have no limbs, only half a body and they can still keep going, and going on going. Set them on fire, no big deal. Now you just have a flaming zombie on your hands. Pretty much indestructible unless you sever the brain stem.  They are capable of repair.

9)      Eye Sight VAMPIRE WIN

Vampires have great night vision. They only roam around at night. Good eyesight is a must.

Zombies eyes are cloudy and suffer from myopia. They are also colorblind.

10)   Mental Focus ZOMBIE WIN

Zombies only have one thing on their minds—brains. They are single-minded and completely focused on their goal. Nothing else will distract them.

Vampires on the other hand have a weird need to count things. So just throw a scattering of cookies or better yet, Lego pieces at them and they will stop in their tracks and start counting. One. One Lego piece. Two. Two Lego pieces. Three. Three Lego pieces. Muahahaaa!

A few other things to consider: Vampires can only go hunting at night. Zombies are hungry all the time—day or night. Also, Vampires “glitter” in the sunlight. That’s lame. Vampires are “pretty” and “sexy” (which in all rights should be a bonus) but it makes it hard to view them as an enemy until it’s far, far too late. Zombies, well, you can smell them coming and boy are they UG-LY! There’s no doubt that a zombie is a zombie and should be killed.  Vampires have their lairs and followers, but they are quite selective on who they allow into the “club” per se. Zombies don’t care. They’ll bite anyone—old people, kids, doesn’t matter and because of this randomness, their group is HUGE. A zombie mob is terrifying.

Okay, so what do you think. Argue with me if you think I’m wrong. But zombies rule.

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