Are you an EXPERT handwasher? Wanna be? Then read this.

Are you a smart hand washer? Are you really?

It was just the other day, that I was washing my hands in a public restroom, thinking I was doing it just fine, when I noticed a sign on the wall: How to wash your hands and look smart while doing it.

I quickly scanned the bathroom, because the last thing I want to have happen was to look stupid while washing my hands.  No one wants that. That would be embarrassing.

Thankfully, I was alone. Phew. Good thing.

Smart is something I strive for (shut-up, yes it is), so I checked out the sign for further instruction. I didn’t want to be caught unawares again.

First: Wet your hands with running water.

Check.

Second: Apply liquid, bar or powder soap.

Double Check.

Third: Lather well.

Okay. Now that’s just overkill with unnecessary details.

Next: Rub your hands vigorously for at least 20 seconds. Remember to scrub all surfaces, including the backs of your hands, wrists, between your fingers and under your fingernails.

This is good stuff. Now I know that 19.9 seconds just isn’t enough hand washing time. (I wash my hands for 26.4 ½ seconds. I timed it. I’m just kidding. Who does that? That would be weird).

Now: Rinse

Are there idiots out there who squirt soap on their hands and then just leave it like that? Do they like the slick feel? The smell? Hmm . . . maybe this why there is a sign—it’s for the soap stealing, non-rinsing hand people.

Lastly: Dry your hands with a clean or disposable towel or air dryer.

Is that what those are for? I thought they were hairdryers for really short people.

And one final tip: If possible, use a towel to turn off the faucet and to open the door.

I’ve been doing that to avoid germs, but now I’m thinking they suggest this because of those soap stealing, non-rinsing hand people (they make handles slippery).

I’m smart! I’m smart!

Really? Do we need a step-by-step guide on how to wash our hands? Really?  A simple “Wash your hands” sign I think would have been sufficient.  I could see a step-by- step sign in a family oriented, child based establishment  like Chuck-E-Cheese where little kids need this reminder (kids are horrible hand washers, their nasty). But in an adult environment where children rarely, if ever, need use of the restroom facilities seems weird. Real weird. That was exactly where I found this sign.

I don’t know. These are the kind of things I notice, the kind of things that stick in my brain and cause me to pause.  Obviously, it doesn’t take much.

But now to tie this into something of use, because there is a point to this random story, and here it is:

Okay, you caught me there was no point.

But it’s my blog and I can write whatever I want to—blah. Here's a hand washing song just for you. In case you didn't get enough. Or if you happen to be a soap-stealer and need to learn to rinse.