But two days into the trip, my left lower back really began hurting and I started having chills and fever. I was certain my infection had climbed into my kidney, but with it being late in the evening and being far away from the nearest hospital, I decided to suffer through the night, and then go to the Bear Lake clinic in the morning. Worst night ever. I was miserable. Even with several blankets, I couldn't get warm, and I shook horribly.
But sometime during the night, I did feel a lot better. My fever seemed to break, and by morning I felt well enough to drive to the clinic where all my tests came back negative, but was put on an antibiotic anyway, since sometimes an infection won't show up until after a culture is completed. Unfortunately, on the drive back to the cabin, the chills started again, and I couldn't keep anything down. I was freaking freezing! Here it is, the end of June, up in the 90s temperature wise, and I'm wearing a hoodie, socks, and am covered in blankets. While everyone went to the beach (I insisted everyone keep having fun) my poor mama stayed behind to take care of me (which is what mama's do even if you're 45 yrs old). As the afternoon wore on, once again, I began to feel like I was on the mend. Fever broke. I kept an antibiotic pill down, and even ate a little bit. Things were looking up. We had all planned to go see a play at the Pickleville Playhouse, and since I was doing much better, I went along (I had such hope and optimism). I made it to intermission, but during the second half, the darn chills crept in again, and I had to excuse myself. I sat in the car, with the heat turned all the way up (I was freezing even though it was the end of June and well over 80 degrees outside that evening). I was wearing a hoodie and had a blanket over my lap. I kept having to open the car door to throw up on the ground. Not a good time at all. When the play ended, and my husband took one look at me, he said enough was enough, and even though it was nearly 11pm and we'd have to drive an hour through a dark and twisty canyon, he was taking me to the emergency room. And I'm really glad that he did. We weren't there more than 15 minutes when my heart rate went crazy high, my oxygen levels dropped, and my blood pressure crashed. All this while fighting a 104.8 fever. They placed me on monitors, slapped oxygen on me, and hooked me to two IV's. Yes, TWO IV's. I had ultrasounds, chest x-rays, and a CT scan done. Unbeknownst to me, because I was in such bad shape and could hardly think, all my tests were coming back negative. My blood work showed an infection was causing havoc, but they couldn't figure out where it originated. Kidney and UTI tests all showed negative. Chest x-rays, negative. CT scan, negative. Ultrasounds, negative. Well, at 4:00am, I got a lovely ride on an ambulance to another hospital over an hour away, because that particular hospital didn't have an ICU. I kept asking, "Am I that bad?" and they'd say, "Yes, you are." The ER doctor said that had I not come in that night, most likely by morning I would've been intubated and life flighted out of there. Turns out, I had sepsis. I'd never heard of it. Neither had my husband, who when they were settling me into ICU, had to wait outside. He Googled it and got the crap scared out of him. (People die from sepsis, so it's no joke). I spent the next three days in ICU. Lots of blood work, more ultrasounds, and even a EKG later, and the doctor still had no idea where the infection came from. I overheard him talking to my team and saying, "This could be an episode of HOUSE." Dang! But, the regime they had me on to kill the infection and get me out of the septic stage was doing its job. I was slowly getting better, and honestly, that was all that mattered. After three days in ICU and two more on the the regular floor, they deemed me well enough to go home. A month later, and I am doing much better. My stamina is slowly coming back and I'm not nearly so tired, but I do have a lovely cough I acquired during my stay in ICU (due to them pumping so much fluid into me). It's annoying and causes its own set of problems, but I can live with a cough. A cough is doable, especially since the alternative could've been so much worse.
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2016 was a roller-coaster ride of year. Plain and simple. I had plans to release ANYONE ELSE? by the end of 2016. But life had other plans in store for me. I won't go into a lot of details, for personal reasons, but I will try to explain what I can. 2016 became a year of demolition and rebuilding for me. The foundation in which I had stood upon all my life had painfully been kicked out from under me, and I was left struggling to find my place in this massive world. I questioned everything. Absolutely everything. I couldn't distinguish between truth and lies. What was once undeniable, undoubted, a certainty, quickly dissolved and blew away with the wind--even as I held on with both hands, desperately trying to keep that from happening. But that wasn't even the worst of it. What became even more painful was having my eyes opened to things that I once believed were horrendous lies only to find out they weren't lies at all. They were simply omitted truths, hidden from me, or whitewashed in such a way I bought into them without thought. Now, I had to think. Really think. I was no longer fed someone else' truths (at this point, my mouth was clamped shut). No more. I needed to find my own truth, my own place of belonging, and understanding. I was on a journey  That journey was all encompassing. I couldn't hardly function outside of it. Hours upon hours were spent in searching for truth and understanding in trying to reclaim my life. I'm talking each day I spent fully engrossed in trying to wrap my head around the mayhem. Writing wasn't hardly even a thought. I couldn't. My life had shifted in such a way that focusing on anything else but the current situation was near impossible. 2016 slipped by all while in this horrible funk. My feelings fluctuated all over the place from anger to sadness and everywhere in between.
I didn't plan to lose that entire year, but it happened. And it sucked. Now, I feel that things are in a much better place. It is still a work in progress and I still have my many up and down days. 2017, though better, has still presented itself with unforeseen challenges and setbacks. I think when a person's life changes dramatically, unexpectedly, this becomes the norm. Large chucks of time are devoured by the twists and turns life can throw at you. (See my post for one example of 2017 craziness HERE). For some people, they can just roll with it and balance the ups and downs with everything else in their life. Apparently, that isn't me. I apologize for this. ANYONE ELSE? is being written. Unfortunately, it's been slow going. I didn't realize just how hard it is to jump back into writing when a large and painful hiatus knocks you to the ground and 2017 decides to throw its own punches at you. But, I've climbed to my feet, brushed myself off, and I'm at it again. It's coming, guys. It's coming. I promise. |
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