My review of the current issue of ALLURE magazine--must I, really? I can already tell it's gonna suck.

I used to subscribe to a magazine called Cookie. After a couple of years, it went away. The magazine people called me to tell me of this news and to offer a different magazine in its place (I had already paid and they obviously didn’t want to give me my money back). I said, sure. Send me a new magazine.

Okay, here’s the problem. Cookie was a magazine for mothers and kids (more designed for rich moms who can dress their kids in $1,000+ outfits, than for the average Utah stay-at-home-mom, but still, it was for moms). So what magazine did I get to replace it?

Allure.

I decided to give it a chance. It’s not my thing, but okay. So far after several months of reading this magazine, I find that Allure doesn’t have any allure. I am not allured at all. There is nothing helpful in it for me—the average Utah stay-at-home mom (Okay, maybe I’m not an “average” stay-at-home mom.  I’m more, “below average,” but still).

Here is my review of the September 2010 edition of Allure:

On the cover:  Kim Kardashian (this is already a letting me know this issue is going to suck).  I could not find the actual cover for the magazine, but I did find the picture above that is on the magazine cover. What lady wants to see another lady in a slinky bra like thing? Wait, don't answer that. I don't really want to know. I just know it ain't me. Some of the featured articles on the cover are: Beautiful skin, now and forever; Tiger’s mistress opens up; Make peace with your hair, 9 easy looks; Brand-new makeup. Bold colors that break the mold, Plus: style while you sleep.

Hmmm . . . so far not so good.

Then I open the magazine and this is what happens: 
1st) Six little postcards for Allure falls out. 

2nd) I am inundated with the smell of perfume samples. I shall count how many . . . three. That’s actually not as bad as I thought. It sure seemed like a dozen when I first pulled it out of its plastic protection. 

3rd) How many pages of advertisement does it take before I get to an article of some sort . . . let’s see: Estee Lauder, Gap, Banana Republic, Calvin Klein Jeans (naughty picture by the way), Clinique, Guess, DKNY Jeans, Lancome, L’Oreal, Origins, The Allure menu, Garnier, Chanel, Allure’s virtual store, Dillard’s (4 pg layout), Olay, Allure. Com (again), Fendi, Nordstrom, Vogue eyewear, Garnier eye cream, O.P.I, A contributor’s page, Fekkai, Aveeno, pg 44 has letters from readers, Giorgo Armani, another Allure.com virtual store advertisement, Revlon, Stay with me guys, I’m flipping pages as quick as I can (This is real. I promise I am not making this up), Illumifill, WAH-LA!!! Finally!! Page 52 has an article titled: Beauty by numbers: Scandals.

Fifty-two pages into the magazine, I finally come to an actual article!!! Does anyone else find this funny and at the same time, wrong??

From there the advertisements keep on coming. Also the articles are STUPID! Seriously, there is an article about purses in which most of the purses cost over (insert drum roll please) $2,000. Are you serious? There is one purse that is shown that costs a mere $89 called Nine West. But who wants to be seen with the cheapo bag? Surely, not me.

A few more articles:

How to look good after a workout

A rolled cuff looks best with pants that have a vintage men’s style

Those Crazy Egyptians

How to wear a poufy skirt

What is in? Cat Eyes—How to get your makeup purrrfect.

How to pull off the military look

How much sleep did you get last night?
 
Wow. There you have it, guys.  These are articles that really make me think about our world and what I can do as a human being to make it a better place for everyone . . . NOT!

The magazine is probably 70-80% advertisements (of one kind or another). The articles themselves are superficial and of no importance to me—there is no way I will ever wear a poufy skirt, try for the military look, or wear makeup that give me a cat-eye look. Sorry. Ain’t gonna happen. 


This magazine is awful. I get it in the mail. I flip through a few pages and then I toss it in the recycle bin. My subscription is running out—thank goodness—so I only have a few more months of this nonsense.  

If you are into nonsense, this magazine is purrrfect (Had to do it. Sorry). Two thumbs down and a raspberry of the tongue for Allure.

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