(There is a point to this rambling, so just hang in there. Bear with me). Everyone thinks it’s a child’s preschool years that are the worst, which in a lot of respects it is. (I mean, the whole wiping bottoms thing totally sucked). But now I have a teenager and it’s a WHOLE different ball game. In some respects, I’d rather go back to wiping tushies than have to deal with puberty and hormones. I swear I was never THAT bad as a teen. I was respectful, courteous, did my homework, kept my room spotless, and NEVER once questioned my parent’s authority or mass amounts of wisdom. And I never broke out crying for no good reason at all either. Okay, I lie. But I was pretty good in comparison to a lot of teens out there. Actually, my kid isn’t so bad. He’s pretty respectful to teachers, adults, and his friends’ parents. He’s courteous and kind (most of the time . . . brother and sister excluded). He doesn’t drink. He doesn’t smoke. He still thinks girls have cooties and he hangs out with a pretty good group of kids. So what’s my problem? The kid drives me CRAZY with all his questions. Seriously. Question after question after question. I thought kids only did this when they were two, not when they’re almost fourteen! What the heck? I actually had to tell him today, “That’s it. No more questions. You’re at your daily limit.” Here’s the thing, little kids ask questions like: “Why’s the sky blue?” or “If I drop this egg, will it bounce?” or “How much do you love me, mommy?” Teenagers ask questions like: “What does douche bag mean?” or “Can I have these twenty dollar bills in your purse to buy Mountain Dew for me and my buds?” or “So what kinda car are you gonna buy me when I start driving?” or “I have a ten page report due tomorrow in science, can you help me?” or “Why do I have to shower after gym?” or “Why do I have to make my bed? It’s only gonna get slept in tonight.” or “Danny’s parents are out of town and he wants me to hang out and have a sleep over, can I?” or “The principle didn’t call today, did he?” It’s hunky-dory, I tell you. Like I said, a whole other ball game. To make matters worse, these questions are fired at me one right after another. Most of my answers are: “No”, “Never”, “Over my dead body”, and my favorite, “Because I said so.” So what does this, if anything, have to do with writing? (Drum roll, please) Writers, just like moms of teenage boys, get asked a lot of annoying questions as well. (Ta-Da. See how I tied that in? Clever, huh?). It’s true. Now, don’t get me wrong. If a question is asked out of genuine interest, then no matter how bizarre the question, I really do try to answer it. But there are some questions that truly annoy me, no matter who is asking them. Here’s a few: 1) Oh, but hasn’t someone written a book just like that before? What’s his name? You know, the guy who made a kazillion dollars? It was really good too. (Well, thank you for crushing my soul and a year’s worth of work. Here’s the thing, usually my book ends up being NOTHING like the kazillionair’s book—which could be a good or bad thing for me—but the person who asked, now thinks I’m a hack). 2) Are you writing? (Usually asked while I’m smack dab in the middle of writing an intense scene and it’s going well. It’s usually followed by additional questions that then sucks away my creative mojo and the momentum is lost). 3) So why aren’t you published yet? (This is usually asked in a “you-must-suck” kind of tone. I usually respond with, “I thought you were going to try and lose 20 pounds by the first of the summer? What happened?). 4) I’m working on a little gem of my own. Do you think you could take a look at it for me, see what I can do to spruce it up? (No. When I’m looking at your little “gem” I’m having to take away from my own work. And I can tell you right now, almost every time I’ve said sure, I end up regretting it. The work usually needs a lot of help and then I’m left trying to find a kind way to tell them this without hurting their feelings. I hate being put in that position). 5) Is your novel any good? (Why no. My novel is crap, but thanks for asking you jerk!) 6) What’s your novel about again? (“Again” is the keyword. Insert feelings of failure right here). For the most part, I love being asked about my work. I love it when people genuinely want to know how things are going because they want to see me succeed and celebrate my success with me. Maybe I’m the jerk for not being patient enough. All I know, is that there are some questions, that when asked, make my teeth clench and my shoulders stiffen—just like the questions asked by my teenage son—and I just want to say, “Enough. No more questions. You’re at your daily limit.” So what kind of questions do you get asked, and do they annoy or flatter? And if you think I’m being unfair, let me know that too. Honestly, I’m opened minded (unless I disagree with you, of course).
45 Comments
Being a Mum is never easy. The escalation in intensity of outcome related to questions quotient is quite scary. ;)
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3/21/2011 08:44:13 pm
These were funny! I haven't had too many rude questions but I do often get the 'oh - what a nice thing to do in your spare time' statement fairly regularly.
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last night my husband looked at the spine of the binder holding my unedited first draft. He said "what does that say?" then after interpreting my fat tipped sharpie scrawl he said "THAT's the title of your book?" and started to laugh.
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3/21/2011 10:37:47 pm
Oh Angela, I see you and I have been at the same social events, talking to the same group of clueless, tactless folks!
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3/21/2011 10:39:33 pm
I have two teenagers and a one toddler so my day runs the entire spectrum of pointless questions! Very few of my personal friends or family know I write. I did thins in purposeful avoidance of those dreaded questions! I still get them every now and then though
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3/21/2011 10:45:13 pm
Those types of questions annoy me too along with: "Are you busy right now?" Assuming, of course, that I'm sitting around twiddling my thumbs instead of busting my bottom seated in the chair.
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3/21/2011 11:24:51 pm
Heh. You've got it easy. My daughter came up to me out of the blue the other morning and said, "Mommy, why are we alive?" No joke, she's only 7 and she's already questioning the meaning of existence. Fortunately she's also intelligent enough to at least grasp an understanding at the answers to Life, the Universe and Everything because she isn't amused when I say, "42!"
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Those questions are awesome! You write the best blogs ;)
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3/22/2011 01:11:54 am
I love being asked, "So when is your book being published? Anybody can get a book published these days, right?" I don't have a teen yet, but yes, I'm dreading the hormones!
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3/22/2011 01:53:21 am
You've hit the nail on the head. As an unpublished author I get these questions all the time, or variations of the same. As a mother of a 1yo and a 3yo I get the "why?" and "how?" questions every other 30 seconds. At the end of most days I just want to go in a corner, cover my ears and rock myself to sleep.
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3/22/2011 01:58:25 am
Great Blog! I have a 16,11,9 yo who love to ask q's. I usually answer them: U R being too lazy to asses and answer your own Q. Look around. Think and analyze. Look for clues. You just want the easy answer & I'm not giving it to u. People who ask stupid questions will usually get this answer from me: "What do you think?" In sales, he who asks the questions controls the conversation.
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3/22/2011 02:08:39 am
Number 2 is my pet peeve. When you hear the keyboard clacking and I'm bent over the computer, chances are I am writing! And I completely agree, once interrupted the mojo doesn't just come back immediately...
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3/22/2011 02:54:32 am
I thank my lucky stars daily that I live alone for exactly these reasons. Only my close friends and family know that I'm writing and my mother is actually the most annoying. She's only trying to be helpful, but I think 30 years' experience means that when she asks "how is the writing going?" I actually hear "why are you wasting time talking on the telephone? You'd be published by now if you didn't waste so much time!"
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3/22/2011 03:12:24 am
Ha, these are SO true. I also hate it when people ask "What's your book about?" (altho I suppose it's good to have a pitch sentence/blurb on hand in my brain).
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3/22/2011 03:55:59 am
Ha ha ha!! I hate the "Why aren't you published yet?" one. So many people don't realize how hard it is to actually get published. It's hard to explain it to them too, since their eyes glaze over and they stop paying attention to you! :) Great post!! LOL
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3/22/2011 04:16:07 am
My favorite is, "So how did you get published?"
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3/22/2011 05:50:39 am
Hahahaha!
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3/22/2011 08:41:56 am
Great video clip. Yeah, I've definately had my share of both irritating and flattering questions. My favorites are the ones along the lines of "so...do you think you're going to try to get it published someday." What are they expecting me to say. "No. I've spent my whole life writing and the last two years writing and perfecting this novel, but no, I just thought I'd tell you all about its genius and then never let anyone see it." Yet it's amazing how many people ask "so you're a writer. You plan to do anything with your writing?"
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LOL... I'm glad I read this. But the outlook for parenthood is not so good. Mine are 6 and 4 and it's tough now, but better than before. Yikes I'm scared for the teen years. My daughter is already a sass.
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3/24/2011 08:04:40 am
What I HATE is someone telling me, "the reason your're not getting published is because ..." and then they go on to tell me the reason (My writing is this, or my writing is that) and, get this, they've never read anything I've written! (Famous words of my daughter and my son-in-law).
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4/7/2011 10:46:52 am
As soon as I say I'm writing a book, it never fails that the person says, when is it published. Makes it so difficult to admit I'm writing a book out loud.
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4/9/2011 12:54:17 pm
Lovely post. Enjoyed it very much. Very true, but few have the guts to admit they are bugged by those questions.
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Reem
4/9/2011 01:18:24 pm
For some reason, I only get asked about my writing by people who read the kinds of books you see at the checkout line at the grocery store. So I must say that with all due respect to Dan Brown and his fans, I get SUPER annoyed when someone asks me if I've read The DaVinci Code right after they find out I dabble in literary fiction writing, and after they inform me that that book is the first book they've read since college and finished in one sitting. I always feel like saying "at what point in this conversation did I mention I am interested in writing thrillers?" How does literary fiction translate into The DaVinci Code? Honestly.
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4/9/2011 03:25:18 pm
Ugg! Number five is the worst! So I've had one e-book published, and now everyone is asking me to read their manuscripts and asking me to help them get published. Honestly, I have zero connections in the publishing industry. And I do not have time to critique everyone's manuscript. I have a few people that I read and critique, but these are usually personal friends or people who reciprocate by reading my drafts. I don't mean any offense, but if I helped everyone, I'd never get any of my own work done.
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The one I'm getting a lot these days: "Ghost writer? What's that mean?" which seems to go around in circles with, "So... what are you writing?"
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I have become a publishing mummy to several people since I got my first story published - ten months ago - because I know everything... not.
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Mary
6/27/2011 06:23:42 am
I have a cousin who is a published writer and he's super supportive of all my idiotic questions but I'm afraid to tell anyone else that I'm writing because of the very questions pointed out in your article.
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Mary
6/27/2011 06:25:03 am
Oops just realized this was an older article, I just found it doing a search on google for something else. Excuse my delayed comment!
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Haley Whitehall
8/30/2011 01:41:32 pm
Fun read. You wrote these with a hit of humor but I know the truth of these questions. Unfortunately, many people do not think that writing is a job. Then there are people who think that ANYONE can write a good story. Ugh.
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8/30/2011 10:22:50 pm
You have captured the questions perfectly!!! Thanks for a fun post :)
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8/31/2011 11:56:22 am
Great article (I came here via your Tweet). I agree with all of your examples of annoying questions. I also find it hard to smile pleasantly when they say things like "I always thought I'd like to write a book, if I could just find the time..." Yes, time is all it takes. I had lots of time, that's why I wrote a book.
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9/10/2011 06:27:22 am
Here's another question: "When are you going to get a real job?" lol
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9/10/2011 06:37:27 am
Sorry about the previous blank message, my fingers are quicker than need be!
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Arlene
9/21/2011 08:49:40 am
To all those who have been asked to read someone else's "little gem"...
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#4: I know! Last time I said sure, I ended up with a 400-page monster that I still haven't finished. I don't have time to beta-read unless I volunteer for it! I know how much time a good beta-reading takes, so I don't ask others to look at mine unless I can do something equally helpful for them. A beta-reading trade, or maybe housework. ;)
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Those are definitely some good ones. My favorite came when my husband was talking to a young (adorable) girl who said her younger brother was a writer. Mike said "Oh really? My wife is an aspiring writer!"
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